May brings the tease of spring: bright sun, heavy showers, and blooms. It brings reasons to call on your friends, your family. It also brings pain. Grief. Of those lost, those who lost themselves, and almost losing me.

STICKER SHOOK

I held my husband’s hand on a summer day

In our mini van that he swore he would never drive.

“But it’s so smooth.” he said. 

We lost cool points but gained an extra row.

And so many usb outlets. 

I held my husband’s hand on a summer day

With our three children in the back of our uncool minivan.

The song on the radio spoke of three little birds.

Their little voices sang along off key in unadulterated joy.

I held my husband’s hand on a summer day

Stopped at a red light in our minivan.

The sticker on the car in front of us read

“If you’re looking for a sign to stay alive, this is it.”

I squeezed my husband’s hand on a summer day

Across from him in our minivan

Eyes swollen with grief I had not yet given.

He asked what’s wrong and I stared at the sticker staring back.

He squeezed back, his face finding the grief anyway.

I listen to my children sing

“Every little thing’s

Going to be alright”

In voices only a mother can love. 

I hold my husband’s hand on a summer day and know

This is it. 

** If you are having a hard time finding your sign, there is someone waiting to help you find it when you call or text 988. You matter.